When we reconnected on the Book, almost 3 years ago now, I’ll admit I was disappointed to find out he was married. He said he was unhappy, but don’t they all say that? He was never inappropriate in any way. We emailed each other every once in a while. We always had easy conversation even with an 18 year gap. 15 months ago I noticed a status change. I had to let him know that I noticed, not looking for anything, just offering a friendly ear, if needed. The emails became a little more frequent and then we met face to face for the first time in 19 years. In my opinion, he hadn’t changed a bit. Still sexy as he wanted to be!
I was nervous on my way to the restaurant, Don Pablo’s, in Deptford. Would he like me? Had I changed drastically? What would we talk about? As soon as I saw him, all those fears fell away and the conversation became easy again.
A simple hug goodbye and now a year later I’m cold unless I’m in his arms. He knows me so well. He always seems to tell when I need a little kiss and a hug.
Over this year I’ve realized a few things:
He is my confidant, he is for me, my best friend, my comforter. He gives me peace, and peace is so hard to find. I close my eyes and think of him to ease my mind. He always wants to help, not just me, that is his character. He's restored my faith, I know this struggle is not in vain.
Should I say I want to love him forever? I think he’s incredible. He is not like the others I’ve dealt with in my past. I believe in him. I need him.
We compliment each other. I cook. He bakes. I’m fiery. He’s calm. He’s patient, me -not so much.
I can’t imagine life without him. I don’t want to try. He is #1 in my eyes and I still get butterflies.
Sometimes I watch you sleep. Kiss you and fall in love all over again. In
the morning when you’re leaving I start to miss my best friend. You’re my
better half, like a twin, you complete my words when I begin.- CW
the morning when you’re leaving I start to miss my best friend. You’re my
better half, like a twin, you complete my words when I begin.- CW
I remember a lot of things: our first kiss, playing pool at Dave n Buster's. Just one. and boy, did I want another! Our first kiss with tongue, outside the bowling alley the very next week. Our first (you know) after a movie and drinks at Olive Garden and him steaming up my glasses in the parking lot. the 4 walls of his bedroom being named our safe place where we could talk about anything.
I tried, as is my way, to push him away. He wouldn't budge. My fear is abandonment, so I push so that when I am left alone it seems logical. My mother and brother tried to use the Jedi mind trick. Subterfuge, trying to convince me that WHEN something goes wrong it will be my fault. He said Fuck them! I love him!
I'm blessed to have another moment, some more time spent with him. I feel like we're finishing something we started so long ago.
Trying to sum up a year in one post is pretty difficult. So many good times. He takes me places, places I want to go, but the best times have been at the simplest (free) places. the beach, walking hand in hand. the park where we saw a bear at the lake. in the kitchen, cooking together. at Kitchen Kapers, daydreaming about future meals. the simple things. watching fireworks. the family cook out. letting me stay with him and making space in the closet. taking me to see my brother in the hospital. writing a letter to his mother to tell her about me.
Who wouldn't love this man? There are lots out there who would like the chance, but he's mine. And I plan to work hard to keep it that way!
