As I think back on my past relationships, I would always think that for our relationship to work HE would have to change in certain ways. There are several flaws with that particular way of thinking...first and foremost, it is very selfish. I most certainly wasn’t perfect but could only think of how he needed to change.
I remember going to visit my grandmother in 1993, pregnant with my first child. We argued. She asked if I was planning to marry the father. I asked, why would I do that? Why would I compound one mistake with another? Whatever struggles lay ahead for me as a single mother, I’m confident I can handle with God’s help, but to add to that a marriage (which I believe is forever) with someone that I don’t even LIKE on a consistent basis would be catastrophic. It turns out I was right. On his good days he is just dumb, still. 18 years later. On his bad days he is a complete asshole. No, I believe I made the right decision.
There have been others since him. Being in the church and having two children, I felt pressure (pressure I applied to myself) to be married. This blinded me. The wedding invitations were picked out, but I called my mother just before she could order them and said DON’T. I believe the Holy Spirit speaks to us the way we need to hear it. He said, ‘have you lost your *bleep*ing mind. I didn’t tell you to do this’ Again, I thought my love could change all the wrongs in this person. Actually, love is turning that person over to God and taking yourself out of a situation.
So this became a pattern for a long while. It would always go so far and then I would hear that still small voice saying it’s not for me to change anybody. It wasn’t until late 2009 when I woke up to what was really needed. Picture a huge mirror (bigger than the Evil Queen’s - Mirror Mirror on the wall) At that point everytime I thought about what someone else needed to do, I saw that mirror.
