Preacher Man

I’m really confused about this relationship. Here comes the naivete again. I believed that because we are NOT sleeping together, that it’s all good. Do I think he is over the top and sometimes over steps his bounds? Absolutely! But as it keeps being pointed out to me, he is a man (human), not flawless. What I decided a long time ago was to weigh some things out - am I willing to give up the Word of God that flows from this man because his jokes sometimes go too far? The blessings that have occurred in my life because I joined this church and am being taught by this man are evident to me. Could I be taught and grow somewhere else? I’m sure I can but I have work to do at this church and I don’t believe my time there is up yet. Just like in any relationship, I believe you must accept someone - flaws and all. You weigh out what you can and can’t deal with and go from there.

 

 

So, do I think he likes me a little too much? Sure I do. (Can you really blame him?) But my position has always been - that’s between him, his wife and God. As long as he doesn’t act on whatever feelings he may have, we’ll be cool. There is no reciprocity. I do not like him too much. I like him. If he wasn’t my pastor and we knew each other, he’d be a friend. We are close in age and have a few things in common but it would never be more than a friendship. The one thing that we have in common, that I think bonds us the most is our slick mouths. As my pastor, when he says to watch my mouth, I listen, but I don’t allow him to play the ‘Pastor’ card so he can win the argument.

That’s where it stops. You won’t find us riding in the car alone together or having secret meetings. Don’t be calling me late at night, etc. (Being his tenant sometimes made that difficult, but if you need to be here fixing something, bring your wife - he usually did) but if that wasn’t feasible, it’s your house, you fix what needs fixing and call me and I’ll come back or my kids are present, etc. One time he was there by himself on a Thursday evening and whatever he needed to fix he said he needed to go onto the roof thru my bedroom window. Oh no you don’t, not tonight. Come back Saturday with your wife and y’all can go wherever you need to go.

So that’s how I roll. But people are gonna believe what they want to believe.

I know my heart. God knows my heart. Ultimately, that’s all I can be concerned with. The truth always comes out.

And let me also add that he has never suggested anything unbecoming towards me. Yes, he is in my business, but I don’t believe he is only in MY business. But I allowed him to be in my business to the extent that he is. I joined this church while I was with Keith and I would hear every Sunday how I am better than what I’m dealing with. That this man doesn’t have the right to call me out of my name whenever he feels like it. Or ever for that matter. Different sermons that let me know God was speaking to and thru him because nobody knew these things about me. And because I’m always looking for Charles Ingalls - father/husband/protector/provider/confidant, when I left Keith I replaced him with my Pastor. He filled a few of those roles for me - father figure/protector (shepherd), provider (shepherd). I like to be in the presence of him and his wife. Their love for each other is evident to me and I soak up the way they act and react to each other. He calls wanting what they have ‘putting that in your hope chest’. Then I met Tiger and he replaced the Pastor. I believe the pastor recognized the changing of the guard and I still believe he wants the best for me. He has eased up on his constant need for communication. I asked about the lesser amount of texts, he said he eased up in case ‘him’ got my phone. That was a humorous truth. For my sake he didn’t want Tiger thinking there was something going on. Too late. But I appreciate that effort.

At this point, I guess I think of him as the brother I SHOULD have.

I think, as a businessman, he can sometimes be unethical. David was a murderer.

 

I can forgive. Lesson learned.