Flaws and All

I am at my wit’s end, sick enough to puke!!! I have been looking for a 2nd job for the last 6 months, to no avail. And WHY can’t I find a job? I am super qualified for plenty of positions. Something is going on. My last option is the oldest profession...I am looking for a pimp.

All the books, all the talk shows, “relationship experts” and even preachers say I should be looking for a man to take care of me, that it’s part of their make-up to want to provide. That screams Golddigger to me. But not only that, I have no point of reference. My grandfather, who died when I was 6, was a provider, or so I’m told, but for the last 34 years I have not had a real life example (Charles Ingalls doesn’t count) of a man providing for his family.


One of my many flaws is not knowing how to ask for help...from anybody. Business or personal, I have always done it myself.  I can be a team player by offering help, but asking for it is a problem. I did that once...I needed help with my rent and I asked Captain Sav’em (previous post) for help. He didn’t usually like to have sex with me, but on this occasion he put the money on the nightstand and said I could have it if I had sex with him. I felt like a whore, which I’m certain was his intention.

I'm noone’s responsibility but my own and I have the responsibility to provide for my children. Unfortunately, their dad doesn’t feel that responsibility for them. If he did I wouldn’t be in this predicament. But then that’s my fault too. He wasn’t responsible for the 1st one, why did I give him a second chance to be more irresponsible?

The Bible says that I am God’s responsibility. Well, He is gonna have to do something VERY soon or His children will be living in the car!