Divorce

I've never been married, so I've never been divorced. I just know what I've seen. Doesn't mean what I've seen was right or even normal, it just was what it was.

My parents were divorced for 17 years. When I was 6, my father moved out and I guess the paperwork was pretty straight forward. No long drawn out process, my mother just started saying to whomever was interested - 'I'm divorced".

But did that piece of paper sever all the feelings of the previous 12 years? Not in my parents' case, and how could it? This person you professed to love forever in front of God, family and friends...and a piece of paper is supposed to annul those feelings?  Again, not in my parents' case.  17 years later, I was present for their 2nd marriage, to each other.

Those 17 years were something else too, let me tell you!  I believe it was the visitation agreement that got my father back in the door. He lived in NY, so she allowed him to have visitation at our house. Some visitations: he'd arrive, usually in the middle of the night, and my brother and I wouldn't see much of him. He'd make his way to the kitchen to make a few meals, but then he'd head right back to the bedroom.

It went on this way for about 17 years. There were boyfriends and girlfriends along the way, but noone could withstand the competition nor the interference in which both of them engaged each other. She would let him move back in for a few weeks, sometimes months at a time, but then something would happen and he'd be gone again. When my mother would get another boyfriend, my dad would pop up and a fight would ensue, sometimes with the other dude, but mostly with my mom.

Is divorce ever truly final? Especially if you have kids together? Does one person always carry a torch or question whether there was something they could have done to avoid where they are now? I was in a relationship and he called me his ex's name. It wasn't in anger either. We were just doing laundry and he said, 'Nicky, get me the detergent' Well, my name is not Nicky. I didn't make it a big deal. I actually didn't say anything. Maybe I should have, I don't know. I just thought that if he was thinking about her during the mundane task of laundry, how often does he think about her. We're not together anymore, and I have no idea if they are back together. I do know that she regretted their relationship ending and she would write him letters and send cards, etc.

My parents are separated now, they have been married now for almost 17 years, but I couldn't even tell you how much of that was 'happily'. Divorce is now in their vocabulary again.